Codependency is a symptom of being raised in a household where one of your primary caregivers needs takes priority over your own. Often this was described in families who had one or both parents struggling with addiction, but isn’t necessarily exclusive to just that. There is research out there that talks about how this is also relevant in families with a parent who struggles with severe mental health issues.

“I like to think of it as an astrological birth chart, but with a specific set of guidelines to follow. It describes how your energy works, how you should take action, how you best make decisions, how others perceive you, what jobs you are best suited for, how you should eat, where you should live — the list goes on.”

We are codependent because often, we also suffered similar trauma to the alcoholic. Our symptoms of trauma just manifest in different ways. The alcoholic becomes addicted to alcohol to soothe themselves, while the codependent comes addicted to fixing and being in control of their surroundings. Often, the codependents behaviour is manifested into “love addiction” focusing on their partners needs and problems. These people trauma bond together, uniting patterning that will continue the cycle of this particular “family disease”.

Identifying the mask you wore or still wear in your dysfunctional family gives you insight into what behaviours or needs are YOURS and what behaviours or needs were acquired to ensure your families survival.

“Just like walking through snow feels heavy, the emotional weight of a period of time that is frigid, harsh, silent and colourless, feels heavy. But, what happens in spring? No amount of harsh weather can prevent buds from blooming in the spring. Despite the death of the leaves, and the flowers, life is seen once again.”

“I came to realize that I cocooned myself. I layered myself with a protective shield every time I was shamed, guilted, lied to, yelled at. Every word, argument, threat, swear, drink, built an armour around me so thick, that I wasn’t even aware I was wearing it. I was oblivious that I was traumatized. What I thought was resilience and strength, was a mask for how weak, hurt and fragile I was.”